Table Dancers
by Vanus Empty
Summary: [RenoRufus] What do you get when you mix weddings, saké, enough booze to drown an army, and Reno?


First, this is dedicated to my beloved friend Kei. Thank you for the wonderful mental images! It's all her fault this one-shotcame to be. Totally. Second, I realize that possibly no one of AVALANCHE knew of Rufus' survival pre-AC, but I'm using my artistic license to overlook that. Third, I don't know if "Black Ice" is an actual drink. If not, well, pretend it's potent. Enjoy!

* * *

To say that Rufus Shinra and the turks were invited to Cid Highwind's wedding is surprising was an understatement. More like, inconceivable. Absolutely not possible. Never-gonna-happen. But, seeing Rufus Shinra in a white/gray suit surrounded by a bickering Reno and Elena with Rude and Tseng trying to keep the peace couldn't dispute that fact. They, public enemy number ones, were at the blissful wedding of one of the planet's heroes. Well, then.

Rufus furrowed his blond eyebrows, giving Reno a hard look before saying, "Act your age, Reno. You're in public. And at a wedding."

The redhaired Turk looked up, flashing a grin at his ex-boss-turned-boss-again. "She started it, you know. She said I looked like I was going to my funeral." To prove his point, Reno stood to his full height, brushing off invisible dirt from his dark suit. Surprisingly, the Turk had opted to keep his dress shirt tucked in and a tie around his neck. All in all, he seemed to have cleaned up, even brushing his disheveled hair out, pulling it back into a neat pony tail.

Unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, Elena said, "_Really_. What shall we put on your epitaph?"

"Elena," Tseng sighed, "please control yourself. It would be embarrassing to the Turk ranks if you made a fool of yourself in this situation." He pushed a wisp of black hair from his face, staring down at his junior Turk.

That seemed to do the trick as the nineteen year old blonde seemed to slump in defeat, staring down at the tile floor of the reception room with a light blush on her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Tseng. I'll behave." As an after thought, she added, scathingly, "If _he _does," glaring figurative daggers at Reno.

"Reno will," Rude said, speaking for the first time since the beginning of their little spat, "if he wants booze."

Perking up, Reno beamed at Rude as he said the magic word. "Booze? Where?" He asked, following after Rude with a bounce in his step as the stoic Turk headed off silently towards their prize: free booze courtesy of the WRO.

"Oh, please, kill me now." Rufus sighed, rubbing his temples with his index and middle fingers. With another sharp sigh, he headed off to congratulate the newly wed couple, keeping a close eye out for any sharp implements. He wasn't all too convinced that Highwind had forgiven him. Not that he wanted to be forgiven, of course.

Cid Highwind was trying desperately to loosen his tie, going a little red in the face from exertion. Who the hell thought of these damned things? With an angry growl, he tried to rip it off of him, practically hanging himself in the process. When pale hands reached up, professionally unting his tie, he blinked in surprise. At Rufus Shinra. He scowled. "I could have done that," he said without much conviction.

Rufus' lips quirked, letting his arms fall to his sides. "I could tell. And thoroughly hanging yourself is just another way of doing so." Sarcasm practically dripped from his words.

"Damn, what crawled up your ass?" Cid growled.

"My apologies. Having Reno and Elena bicker for twenty minutes tends to grate on my nerves." Rufus offered his a half-smile coated with false sweetness.

Cid crossed his arms. "If I was you—and thank god I'm not—I would have shot those two a couple of times. Then shoot 'em both _again _when their dead for good measure."

A startled laugh slipped from his lips before he could bite it down. "Trust me, Highwind, that has crossed my mind more than once. Decided against it for humanitarian reasons; besides, Reno's a good source of entertainment."

Smirking, Cid thumped the ex-president on the back. "Glad to know you're still human underneath all that malice."

Before the pale blond could retort, a skinny girl with shoulder length black hair in a bridesmaid dress came over, face red in anger. The Wutaian Lady, he remembered absently._ Yuffie, I believe? _She walked straight up to the two, poking them both simultaneously on the chests. "You two," she snarled, "need to control that _demon_."

"Which one?" Cid inquired.

"That Reno fool!" She spat, turning her sharp violet gaze to Rufus. "He's your idiot, you deal with him!"

Rufus frowned, crossing his arms. "What did he do?"

Yuffie exploded in a rant. "He drank half of the saké dad gave Cid and Shera for their wedding present, and drank enough wine to drown an army! He's wasted beyond sanity and _freaking cupped my boob!" _She screeched, arms protectively covering her chest as if Rufus or Cid would do the same. "Control him or I'll make sure his body is _never found!"_ With that, she strode over to the tall man with the long black hair, feeling safe that at least he wasn't thinking of groping her.

Cid heaved a sigh. "Well, let's go kick some redhead ass," he said, heading off in the direction Yuffie came from.

Rufus was not prepared for the sight that greeted him when he followed after Cid. His mouth hung open in unbridled shock as he stared up at Reno. The redhead had ripped the tie from his hair, letting the mid-back length tresses fall freely. He stood ontop of the bar counter, suit jacket discarded, dress shirt untucked and the first three buttons unbuttoned, tie used as a pseudo headband. Reno's cheeks were tinted a faint pink, a thin film of sweat covered his face. "E'rybody _dance_!" He exclaimed, doing a table dance that his drunkenly-hazed mind said resembled something strippers did.

"Keep your shirt on!" Elena yelled, fighting against Tseng as the Wutaian man held her back from trottling Reno.

Sure enough, Reno had began unbottoning his shirt, letting only two buttons remain safely in place. He blinked, grinning drunkenly down at his junior. "You know, 'Lena... You 'otta loosen up, ya know. You're getting to be as bad as Tseng. All stick-up-the-ass. You two 'otta get laid." A thought came to him. "You two should bang now! Kill two birds with one stone!"

If Tseng's outraged and embarrassed look was anything to the one Elena was giving, and it must have been from the screech of rage she gave, Rufus ignored it, strolling right up to Reno. "Reno," he snarled, "get down right _now_."

Far be it for him to deny his boss anything, Reno lept down, throwing both arms around Rufus' neck and planting a full-on kiss straight onto Rufus' mouth. Right in front of everyone to see.

It was sloppy, wet, messy, obviously-_not_-the-best-one-ever. Reno's mouth came down on his too quick and hard, halfway missing his lips in his drunken haze. Saliva coated his lips and he reaked of alcohol. And, when Reno pulled away, the damn bastard didn't even have the _decency _to look ashamed! He just grinned stupidly, eyes shut with that pink tinge to his cheeks.

Rufus ran the sleeve covering his right wrist firmly across his mouth and glared at Reno in disgust, surprise, and annoyance. However, before he could even yell from obscene things to the Turk, Reno slumped against Rufus, slowly sinking to the floor as he finally succumbed to all of the alcohol in his system. Irritated beyond human belief, the ex-president grabbed Reno's wrist and dragged the dead weight to the side of the reception room. Out of sight, out of mind, though he couldn't get the taste of Reno spit and saké from his mouth. At least no one commented on the whole drunken-Reno-kiss-of-doom. Wise move. Rufus knew how to kill without the aid of his companion or his shotgun.

"Bout damn time he passed out," Rufus absently heard—Barret?—say before he returned to the bar, sitting on a stool next to Barret and said, "Black Ice."

_Well, _Cid mused_, at least they thought to bring entertainment._


End file.
